Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!
Y’all. Does anyone have a boat or a pool that they’d like to invite me to hang out at with? (Grammar???) It’s so hot and I’m over here watching all the cool Instagram people having boat fun and sipping their dranks. WHERE’S MY BOAT DRANK???? I promise I’m cool for the summer!!!!
Summer whining over. Let’s talk about strawberry jortcakes. As I’ve been thinking about cookbooks and summer recipes, I was like “must have more fruit shits”. Summer = fruit shits. That’s a SCIENCE FACT.
So I made my best attempt at a jortcake. I fucked up the whipped cream somehow so I moved on to a cream cheese frosting which is FINE. I actually think whipped cream (while v traditional) is too thin for a stacking dessert but what the fuck do I know? Also I didn’t macerate my dang berries. I was winging it, ok???? As for the jorts, I don’t even want to go there, sister girlfriend. When I make just the jortbread cookies, I get real definition on the beltloops and the jort cuffs but lost it all when I caked up my recipe. I was like the baking equivalent of an Icarus, team – I flew too close to the dang sun!
Here’s where I’m going to spit some truth, y’all. This wasn’t my best work and I need to say “I’m just not going to include a strawberry jortcake in this cookbook! IS THAT OK WITH YOU, KAREN????” This leads me to my very new and very important RECIPE ESSENTIALNESS CRITERIA CHECKLIST:
- Is this recipe fun to make?
- Is this an item that I can’t wait to mash into my mouth?
- Does this item look incredible in photos and who cares how hard it is to make or how gross it is to eat – because I’m getting so many likes on my Instagram that nothing else matters in my life?
- Do you think this would win you a James Beard award for culinary genius?
- Honestly – do we need more jort-themed desserts???
If the answer to any of these questions is a “fuck no” – the recipe gets thrown into the idea toilet and FLUSH!
So, team – that’s where we are this week. A failure. On the bright side of things, I’ve signed up for daily emails on cookbook writing tips, which may or may not be a waste of time. I also contacted Jeremiah from the Flour Hour podcast about a cookbook writing class he mentioned on the Andrew Smyth episode and he said I should check out the Green Apron website. I haven’t yet, Jeremiah, but I promise I will! Jeremiah???
Are you reading this???
Also – here’s a fun pick of me really nailing the baked good show-off selfie. I fucking love that red hoodie, y’all!