Cookbooking: Table of Contents!

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So, when I first started the heavy-thinking of writing a cookbook, I was like – “it’ll be a celebration of all my favorite things” and to be fun and cheeky, I started with this title:

Cookies & Cheeses & Champagne & Coffee & Cathedrals & Cactuses & Centaurs

I love this book title so much and would very much like to write that book.  It strikes me as an incredibly difficult book to write though as I would’ve liked to have deeply explored each of those topics.  Listen up, team – I aint got the time to go to France for a year to become an expert champagne maker and drinker.  I just aint got the dang time!

(NOTE – maybe I just import some Champange region grapes to Ohio and ferment that shit here and make my own champs label….  I may still do this….  How hard could it be????)

So, I went back to SQUARE ONE and rethought the whole idea.  NOTE 2 – do y’all remember Square One the PBS show????  Ugh – it was so good and I loved it, especially Mathnet, which was a police procedural that was very much about numbers and square rooting stuff….  I once came up with what I still believe to be a unique math property around squared numbers.  Did you know that the distance between two sequentials squares is sequential odd numbers????  So, if the sequence of squares is 0, 1, 4, 9, 16, 25, 36, 49, 64, 81, 100…, the distance between them is 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 15, 17, 19….  I’m pretty sure no one ever figured that out before me….

OK!  I can’t promise there won’t be math facts in the book.  I love a good math fact.

So – here for posterity’s sake is the TABLE OF CONTENTS of the ***NEW*** as-of-yet untitled Jack Volpi cookbook:

SECTION 1: Basic Bitches!

  • The JV choco chip, a pretty ok brownie, my cut-out recipe, etc.

SECTION 2: Holiday Whatevers!

  • Krispie Krampuses, Red Velvet Costanzas, Nutter Butter Lamb Cake, just a handful of Reece’s Pieces, etc.

SECTION 3: Sexy Sandwiches!

  • Chicken & Waffle Macarons, Tighty Whitey Ice Cream Sandwiches, Snickerdoodle Sammies, etc.
  • QUESTION – should this be JUST ice cream sandwiches????  Who doesn’t love a good ICS?  Email me immediately with your thoughts on this, dear readers!

SECTION 4: Hooray for Hi Pies!

  • Chorizo & cheese-o, peanut butter & white choco, fig & pig, etc.

SECTION 5: Savory Somethings!

  • Harissa thumbprints, pimiento hamantaschen, hot junk, etc.
  • “Hot junk” is a placeholder name for something that I haven’t completely thought through yet.  I really like that name though!  HOT JUNK!

I absolutely reserve the right to change my mind about any of this as things start to come together, but wanted to at least give myself a dang framework.  My target is about 10 – 12 recipes per section, with about 60-70% of these deals being new new new new!  Readers – that’s between 50 – 60 total recipes!  Real real exciting, right???


Anyway – since I didn’t include a post about them in the 100cookies blog, here for the first time on the dang internet is the Tighty Whitey ICS.  It’s a jortbread shortbread situation (actually just cut-out cookies, not real shortbread, but you’re absolutely welcome to shortbread it up).  I added belt loops and a back pocket on these, for 10% more cuteness.  And the ice cream on the inside is vanilla for the TWs and coffee for the legs.  AND!  The leg hair is shaved chocolate!  Yeah!!!!

OOOOOOH-WEEEEEEE! Chicken & Waffle Macarons!

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Y’all! I’m easing myself back into this blog! Writing cookbooks is the worst! You need to have all these ideas and most of them are terrible and then you have to figure out a recipe for the thing and that’s hard work…. the whole business is pretty exhausting.

Well – here goes. My first cookbook recipe idea is this chicken & waffle macaron. Waffle macarons are nothing new. Just google it! You’ll see!!! But none of those dummies put a chicken nugget in that shit and drizzed franks red hot and honey on it. (Did they??? I honestly don’t think so but who the fuck knows… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ).

And guess what! THEY’RE DELICIOUS! EVERYONE SAYS SO! (That’s a dang lie – I’m the only one who’s eaten these…. sorry!)

So last night, I went over to Rita and Eric’s to watch the Hereditary movie. Listen up, team. I won’t be sticking my head out of any more car windows any time soon.

What else? What else???

Jimmys fine. We’ve officially been together now THREE DANG YEARS! Woof! Happy anniversary, babe! My gift to you: I will most definitely use this photo in the acknowledgments section of the book! I WUV YOU!!!

I’m Writing A Cookbook!

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After dicking around for about a year, I’m restarting this blog.  While I though I was ready to start this blog and start a cookbook, but I just wasn’t, OK???  I was afraid – but I’m NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!

I’M NOT AFRAID!!!!!!  *sobbing*

So I junked all of the previous blog posts from my first time working through this blog.  Trust and believe – they were NOT GREAT.  But, the whole idea of the blog is the same – you’re coming on a dang journey with me, dear readers.  You’re going to see me sort through the creation of a cookbook. This includes the following bits:

  • Concept development & refinement
  • Recipe creation
  • Do I need an agent? Who’s going to publish this shit?
  • What are other cookbooks all about?  (How the fuck did Zac Posen write a cookbook???)
  • Starting a feud with Zac Posen
  • MYSTERY – who will I acknowledge in the acknowledgements?  NOT ZAC POSEN.
  • Critical praise for the finished product, awards, love letters from my fans, etc.

How does this sound?  Are you all excited about this???  I fucking hope so!