NPR Cranberry Relish

Y’all!

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!

Hey – who here likes to listen to NPR while you cry in the bathtub? ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Well, if you’re as much of an Ari Shapir-ho like me, you probs know all about the annual cranberry relish reporting. Susan Stanberg is the NPR arts & crafts expert and legend has it that one thanksgiving, Lady Stanberg brings in her mother-in-law’s (mother’s-in-law???? Help???) cranberry relish. This relish makes serious waves at the NPR potluck. Steve Innskeep is like “KEEP that relish away from me”. Yuki Noguchi is like “This relish is a big fat NO SCOOCHIE!” Ofeibea Quist-Arcton is like “this relish makes me want to barf! DAKARRRRRRRRRRR!”

You see – this cranberry relish is cranberries, onion, sugar, sour cream and horseradish all just jazzed up in a food processor and served with crackers. That’s right, team. See the recipe RIGHT HERE!

Well, I’ve been listening to Susie-Q Stambo’s relish reporting for years now and I just had to know – what does this shit taste like? Well, the results are in – it’s fucking awful. I wish I was exaggerating, but I AM NOT.

I recognize that my tastebuds may not be the most refined, so I’m going to take it to my sisterโ€™s house on Thursday and force all of my relatives to taste it and rank it on a scale from garbage to not-garbage! I’ll report back AFTERWARDS!

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