Disney Treat Review

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!

I’m on my flight back to Ohio after three days in Orlando with my homies Clarence, Jugdish & Enid. Three days – four Disney parks: Magic Kingdom, Epcort, Hollyweird Studios and Animal Things. I don’t think I’m a Disney nerd, but I graduated to a new level of weirdo this trip. I started swapping pins with some of the Disney workers on this trip, which is unsettling. (I now have three pins! See below for pins!)

Before the trip, I researched best Disney snacks and thought I’d see for myself how these shits stack up.

Dole Whips are like pineapple soft serve as far as I can tell. They’re pretty rare, which I think is why people go ape-shit for them. And honestly, they’re  real real good especially on hot-as-balls days, but they’re really incredibly sweet. I had to dump mine out after a hot minute because it hurt my tum-tum.  More like Dump Whip, right?  (NOTE – think of cleverer burn later….)

The list also made a very big, dumb deal over the macaron ice cream sandwiches in the France pavilion at Epcort. They had two flavors and I got the pumpkin…. Real nothing special. Pass on this shit, team.

Yesterday, we were having afternoon bevs at the hotel bar and it started to rain. Our Buenos Aires bartenders called us all Mi Amor, blew us kisses and gave us free Doritos.  I tell you what, team – nothing beats free shit after spending a fortune at these parks.

Ugh. This was such a waste. Looks cute, but is like gnawing on cardboard. Try harder, Disney!

Now this was pretty great. I’m not sure how this works but there’s cream cheese just hanging out in this pretzel. I got this at Epcort, but pretty sure you can get this anywheres…. real real real good!

Now y’all know I have a love/hate with Beauty & The Beast, right? Mostly because of the lack of chest hair in the live action, but also how Belle is a trash townie who is all “no provincial life for me” at the beginning and yet settles for princess life instead of like being a doctor in Paris or whatever. Get your shit together, Belle!

Anyway – if you recall from Be Our Guest, the talking candlestick is like “try the gray stuff! It’s delicious! Don’t believe me? Ask the dishes!” REMEMBER??? Well if you go to the Beast castle for dinner, you can have a sort of fancy pants meal, which ends with a dessert trio – FEATURING GRAY STUFF!!!! It’s like a white choco mousse in an edible white choco Chip teacup. The cup was kind of the best part…. so clever…..

That’s all I could choke down in the three days we were there. I’m so fat now. It’s gross. But here’s those pins.

This is the best pin I could get from trading. It’s a Camilla! Pretty great!!

My all-time favorite movie is Robin Hood and this was the only RH merch I could find in all the parks. BONUS – the kid who sold it to me was from NOTTINGHAM and he knows the sheriff, who’s a LADY! The story checks out!!!!

(also – what it that weird skin thing hanging off of my old-man thumb????  My body is a blunderland!  Right???  Lol….)

Lastly – I just felt obligated to get this one….

Please notice – NO CHEST HAIR!!!! What the shit????? Conspiracy!!!!


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