SIGNATURE BAKE: Fuckin’ Rad & Totally Bitchin’ Choco Chip Cookies! 🎸🎸🎸

Hey team!

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!

Hey – does the world need another chocolate chip cookie recipe???  Who the fuck knows? Probably not, am I right???  I mean – Sarah Keiffer exists.  Thalia Ho exists.  Per my last blog post – The Fox In The Snow exists (three locations!).  If you medium hate yourself, you can even look at the tollhouse recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag.  (those cookies are repellant.)

But – if I’m going to write a dadgum cookbook with a bunch of dang cookie recipes, I’d sure as shit better figure something out.  I’m no idiot!!!!

Before we get to the recipe, here’s a LIFE UPDATE!

  1. It’s fucking fall!  We’re still a few weeks away from leaf-color change-o.  But it’s considerably cooler out and my sweat glands are like “thank fucking god – we’re exhausted.”
  2. The best show on tv right now is AMERICAN VANDAL.  It’s such a good show – so funny.  So smart.  I just love it so much!  GET INTO IT!
  3. I’m ready for the MIDTERM ELECTIONS!  I’m ready to vote in a fuckload of Democrats and guess what – I want all the impeachments.  So many impeachments.  Times Up!  RIGHT????
  4. RIGHT!
  5. My idiot friend Cameron, who has been doing all the chemo for Hodgkins lymphoma, is in REMISSION!
  6. Shit, team – I’m getting my dang running groove back, y’all!  We’re running a 10K in DC at the end of October and I’m getting excited!!!! 🎸🎸🎸
  7. My hair has been looking better lately.  I’ve been seeing a new hair guy named Chad and he’s a dang miracle worker.  The last time I was there, the other barber was talking about charleyhorses – Chad leans down during my haircut and whispers “this might be an overshare, but I only get charleyhorses during sex.”  CHAD!  YOU NASTYYYYYYY!  (Never change.)
  8. Ehhhh – that’s about all I have happening in my life right now!

Alright – let’s get to the recipe that literally everyone is talking about….  The secret ingredient here is Bailey’s Irish Cream.  Are your brains still in tact?  I tell you what, y’all – it’s just a real gamechanger.  MONEY MOVES!

2 stick soft as shit butter

3/4 cups sugar

1 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1/2 tsp espresso powder

1/4 cup Bailey’s Irish Cream

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2-1/2 cups flour

~12 oz dark choco chunks

Ok. Here’s the skinny. All you need to do here is mix all this shit together EXCEPT THE CHOCO CHUNKS. Just hang on to those for a hot minute. Get your dough together and chill for about a half hour. Or don’t – it’s up to you. The dough is easier to work with after a chill, but if you want to get right to eating cookies – just do whatever the fuck you think is right.

Use a dang ice cream scooper to blop out blops onto a cookie tray. Ok. Now take some choco chunks and put them on your dough blops. This gives you visible choco situations on the tops of your finished cookies.

Bake at 350 for 7 min.  Bang the tray a few times to flatten cookies.  If you feel like you might need more choco chunks, now’s your time to snizzle them on top!

Continue to bake for another 5 minutes and then cool those shits on a wire rack.  I tell you what, y’all – these shits are soft and chewy and flavors on flavors on flavors.  So many Hollywood Handshakes.  Let me know if any of you chickenheads make these shits.  I’D LOVE TO SEE THAT!  THANKS!!!!  BYE!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s