RECIPE! Peanut Butter & White Chocolate Hi-Pies!

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!

Y’all!  As you know from my TABLE OF CONTENTS, one of the proposed section of the book is HOORAY FOR HI PIES!  A HI PIE is basically a hand pie, but they’re very friendly and say “hi”.

LISTEN – I guess Hi Pies are already a thing.  I’m not sure what the legal ramifications are yet of using HI PIE in my book.  I guess I need a dang lawyer now!  Maybe they’ll become Yo Pies.  I HAVEN’T GOTTEN THAT FAR!

Anyway – my dingus cousin LEIGH is getting married to a double-dingus named VINCENT and they’re so adorable that I’m drowning in brain barf from all the cuteness.  Just look at these two kids!  ADORABLE!

Quick side note – they’re wedding hashtag is the best.  #DoYouBeLeighVinLove . Get it????  Ugh – so good.

So, they’re getting married on Saturday and they asked if I could make their wedding favors.  I was like “I do!”

We talked about a bunch of different ideas and they liked one originally that was way too complicated and then we settled on these peanut butter & white choco hi pies!  Y’all – I made 140 of these shits over the last few days.  ONE HUNDRED FORTY!  It took so long!  Gah – I’m exhausted!

Well, team – they’re mostly easy to make, although I don’t have a formal recipe.

First, get some thawed out pie crust from Trader Joe’s and roll it out super thin.  Cut mini-rectangles.  Like 2″ x 3″.  I gotta be honest, I was just eyeballing the cuts and so there are some lil guys and some bigger guys….  OOPS MAGOOPS!  Oh!  And it was the first time I used my special tool, which was very much inspired by MOLLY YEH, who is my hero!  (Shero?)  (Hi, Molly!)

Now then, melt about 3/4 a bag of white choco chips.  Stir in about an equal amount of peanut butter.  Then blop small blops of the mix onto your bottom layer of pie dough rectangles.  OK!  Now, find another pie dough rectangle and put it on top of the bottom rectangle.  Find a fork.  Use the fork to crimp up all the sides of your double-rectangle and then poke air holes in every mini pie situation.  (these are now mini pie situations).  Right – now, beat an egg so that it’s like scrambled and do an egg wash on top.  Fire up the oven to 350 and bake these shits for 16 dang minutes.

OK – when these come out the oven, they’re going to be hot, so cool those shits down and make your choco glaze.  The glaze is just 1/4 cup cocoa powder + 1 cup powdered sugar + 3 or 4 tbsp milk + a big pinch of salt.  Mix until wet and not lumpy.  Blip a blop of glaze on your cooled down mini pies and pop on a cookie or a sprinkle or whatever the fuck you want on top!  It’s your fucking life, bro.

And that’s all there is to it, homies!  I’m so excited for this wedding because I get to see my whole dang family (dad’s side anyway) and I think I ordered the fish and I’m going to have at least THREE CHARDONNAYS.

BYE!!!!

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